One Year Later and You're Still Reading...You Must Really Have No Life*IMean*Like Me!

Ugh. Another TIRED resolutions post.

…is what I’d say if anyone other than me were writing it. HA! SUCKAAAAS.

But c’moooon, we love tired around here! We embrace the tiredness and the day-old bread stale news that gets brought up here. I mean, it’s like January 4th and I’m just now getting around to writing down my resolutions. That’s my thing: I like to wait until the dust has settled on something and nobody gives two f*cks about it and THEN write a post about it.

I’m the anti-current event source. What’s the opposite of current? Passe? That’s what this blog is: your #1 source for passe events and behind-the-times discussions.

Elephant in the room, guys: I CHANGED THE APPEARANCE SETTINGS ON THE BLOOGGGGG! OMG, COULD YOU JUST DIE? So, I know the look is a little modern and edgy for the passe vibe we’re going for here, but that’s my other thing: I like to always keep you guessing.

Also I wish when I typed passe WordPress would put the right accent thing over the “e” automatically. Why can’t everything be like my iPhone? My iPhone gets it. It knows the right way things should be spelled and the right direction I should be driving. Except, I did try to say “byeee” over text message today and it changed it to “Nyerere”.

But I guess nobody’s perfect. Not even you, Apple. And I don’t care how many celebrity babies get named after you. You’re still not perfect.

Fun fact: when you start to Google image search for Apple Paltrow, the first suggested search term is “Apple Paltrow lazy eye”.

That got me thinking, and I started to type in my name and the first suggested term is after my name is “Miss Delaware”. Does a suggested search term define you? What’s your suggested search term?

This is why it takes me five hours to write blog posts. I have internet ADD.

Anywho, we had a whirlwind of a time this holiday season. I think I drank my weight in Victory beers. My family likes to get down with the get down and booze it up holiday style and have unspoken contests on who can eat the most dip. By the end of the week my liver was literally trying to jump out of my throat just to catch a break.

Not literally. But almost.

Resolution #1: drink 1-2 glasses of wine once a week ONLY.

Okay, my resolution list is starting out like the beginning of Bridget Jones’ Diary. But seriously, I drink like I’m 20 and then wake up and go: “Oh, right, I’M NOT F*CKING 20 ANYMORE”.

Resolution #2: curse less. We’ll f*cking see about that one.

Resolution #3: eat less. We’ll f*cking see about that one.

Resolution #4: acknowledge my friends’ and families’ birthdays more. Like, send cards or Dunkin’ Donuts gift cards or naked pictures of myself.

Resolution #5: go to Paris. I just need to save a few thou and find a babysitter for Logan and Swisher. And Tim. Cinchy.

Resolution #6: stop spending money on takeout. Even though everything is more delicious when you don’t have to make it or clean dishes afterwards.

Resolution #7: put dishes in the dishwasher. You know, since I won’t be getting takeout anymore.

Resolution #8: wear my hair down more, starting with once a week. I think my high ponytails are giving me migraines. Although having to actually do my hair would probably give me a bigger one.

Resolution #9: blog more. Obvsies. I love you guys and we don’t spend enough time together. But really, can we ever spend ENOUGH time together?

Resolution #10: don’t get pregnant again. It sounds simple but for some reason high schoolers on MTV can’t seem to get it under control, so I feel like I need to watch out.

So those are my resolutions guys! I think they’re really attainable and I’m excited to start the journey of a better me in 2013! Wooooooo!

Bonus Video of Logan’s first word!

Sorry my voice is so loud, I should’ve moved closer to Logan for this.

FAIL.

But it’s still cute, so give a look-see anyway.

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